Salaam.

before I proceed, I would like my readers to recite surah Al-Fatihah for my dearly beloved cousin, Norafiqah Hanani Haji Roslan, yang telah kembali menemui Allah s.w.t.

there are so many things to say but I think it's best that we all redha dengan ketentuan Allah s.w.t. yang Maha Mengetahui akan sesuatu yang kita tidak ada kuasa, sesungguhnya Allah s.w.t. mengetahui sesuatu yang mungkin lebih baik untuk kita semua, eventhough some things are not as happy or as great as we might want them to be, but best believe that Allah s.w.t knows best.

I found myself crying yesterday, in Manchester Arndale shopping centre when I uttered the word, "ma, when did it happen?". I just broke down, crying, trying to say, "....but ma, it's iqah.. it's our iqah..." I broke down, I cried, and there it was, my mom, at the end of the line trying to comfort me by saying "sayang, mama liat iqah until ia sudah nada lagi, tapi kami redha pasal iqah pergi dengan tenang.. ingat sayang, tani sayangkan iqah tapi Allah lebih sayangkan ia dari tani... sayang mesti redhakan pemergiaannya, at least she won't be in pain anymore... tani semua milik Allah s.w.t. and tani semua akan kembali kepadaNya in the end"

With that said, I said my istighafar a few times, wiped my tears and calmed myself down.

I recited surah Al-Fatihah for her and bit my lips trying not to cry. On the train back to Leeds, I looked up at the sky and made a prayer...

"Ya Allah, sesungguhnya Engkau lah yang Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang... Engkau kuatkan lah imanku dan tingkatkan kesabaranku untuk menempuhi segala dugaan yang telah Engkau catatkan... semoga aku redha dengan ketentuanMu..."

And tears were flowing like a river. Suddenly I felt so alone. Suddenly I realized how much I wanted to be home right then.

Just thinking about her would make me cry. Looking at her pictures and I will weep some more. I know I'm fine now, but who knows how long that's gonna be. I have yet to let it all out, let it all go.. I have yet to seriously let it all out. I know because when Allahyarhamah Amal passed away, it took me about a year to finally let go after a really good-let-it-all-go cry. I feel so alone right now, so I may think that I appear as though I can handle it, as though I am stronger, strong enough to face it... but maybe that's just a front... I know it's coming... but I just don't know when it'll happen...

"They say each soul has its given date..."

sigh. At times I feel fine, I know I am redha, but sometimes I just can't believe that we won't see her smile, her manja-ness, her laughter... she was like my little sister...not only was she a very bright student, but we all love to splurge on her... and I envy my sister for having the dedication to take care of her for the past 5 weeks while she was in a coma... i'd give anything to be home now... :(

Astaghafirullah....

he said to me that "setiap sesuatu adalah ketentuan Allah dan Allah mengetahui apa yang terlebih baik untuk kita, walaupun kenkadang sesuatu yang berlaku itu bukan perkara yang mengembirakan untuk kita..."

Alhamdulillah, I felt fine after he comforted me a bit by reminding me about a few things in this life.

so, my friends, you may not know her, and never will have the chance, but tetaplah sedekahkan surah Al-Fatihah untuknya semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan dgn orang-orang yang beriman...Ameen..

In loving memory~ Norafiqah Hanani Haji Roslan (07/10/1992-20/01/2007)



You will forever be missed, always all ways, always forever...

kaka will always love you... we all love you very much!

Al-Fatihah...