or
Salaam everyone,
I have a thought, well, more like a question.
Is it just me or is finding a boyfriend/girlfriend/potential husband/potential wife nowadays feels a lot like finding a job in a competitive world where everyone is out there, regardless of your age, qualification, status, and etcetera and you, an "employee" have to "push" your CV (Curriculum Vitae) through to get noticed by potential "employer" (boyfriend, girlfriend, potential husband, potential wife).
Having been an interest to understand the beauty of Human Resources in the workplace, adding in the opportunity to study in-depth knowledge and exploring my understanding in this area has made me somewhat a skeptical twenty-something year old girl, who, insya Allah will finish her postgraduate study, after gripping in so tight the title of a 'student' for the past twenty years or so, who will return home after three years of studying abroad, celebrating her first eid after three years being away from family (insya Allah) and still very much 'single'.
There must be something wrong with me. Or better yet, perhaps the world of love I once knew before is changing so rapidly, that at times I feel so lost in it, not knowing what to do, where to go and worse, what to feel.
It's just like in the profession of HR, you have to keep up with the changing laws and practices, the current trends, the changing proportions of number of employees entering the market, what professions are 'hot' and 'in demand', what are the qualifications needed to get those 'hot' professions - an HR professional must have at least some knowledge about every perspective involves in the world of labour market. One way or another, any changes in the Employee Rights Law could very much affect how , for example, an employer treats an employee during interview session as part of the Selection and Recruitment process. One wrong move, the employee can drag you, the employer to court claiming having been 'discriminated against'. So, perhaps I have neglected to 'keep up' with the current trends of relationships, having to let go of my previous relationship so drastically because 'it was the right thing to do' at that time, that has made me feel so incompetent when it comes to relationships, and love.
Everyone knows that when you apply for a particular job, you send in your CVs, and a 'powerful' CV can attract the attention of the potential employer that makes that 'powerful' CV stands out from the rest, hence a 'powerful' CV must have the criteria to 'sell yourself as an employee' so that you are 'in demand'. Rules and regulations are what that keep the labour market a safe and perhaps systematic way of doing things, specifically, hiring the most suitable employee. But I'm not going to give you tips on how to write up a 'powerful' CV, well, not today, I won't, but who knows in the future, eh? Insya Allah ;)
So the question is, are there any rules in the game of love? Or are they so invisible that the rules are verbally understood by those who claim to be 'in love'?
Because if there
are rules, then I must've missed the sign. Even if they are invisible, I'm sure I must've misinterpret them. Whatever the reason is, I'm just saying I'm dumbfounded.
Going back to my metaphorical example of love in HR terms, somehow being a single twenty-something year old, I'm wondering if I did anything wrong that put me in this position now.
*looking around*
Nah, I take that back.
The point is, it feels that now, it seems a lot more harder to find a decent guy without having so much expectation because at my age, I must be rational and at the same time critical to be thinking of questions 'about the future'. Just like when finding a suitable employee, the employer will be looking at the basic information that a typical résumé provides, because selecting the 'right' or 'most suitable' employee is a risk that the employer is taking, because the employer is concerned about what this candidate will provide for the employer in the coming years (future) and we all know business-driven employers only care about one thing and one thing only - PROFITS! No one wants to hire someone who will bring in loses to the company, yes?
Below is an example of how a typical résumé look like:
Note: I type this without having to refer to any CV in particular, but just one of my 'from top of my head' ideas...
(a passport-sized photo is usually attached with the CV)
- General personal details; name, address, status, race, religion, age (to determine working experience)
- Qualifications; having the highest qualification obtained is placed on top (which is pretty vital because your qualification is what gets you to the next short-listed process)
- Working experience; if you're a fresh graduate, you are expected to perform at your level of intelligence/way of thinking hence there are good chances you'll be selected to be one of the short-listed candidates depending on 'how you sell yourself' in your CV, but on the other hand, if you have several years of working experience, this could be a huge advantage on your and your potential employer's part especially if the area you're applying for is inter-related with your previous working experience
- Other Qualifications/Awards; such as IELTS, Best Student of the Year Award, CIPD Student of the Year Award, Best B&F Student Intake 17, Best Management Student...etc.
- Previous school; now, I don't know how it is in Brunei, but in a competitive market place in the UK, sometimes where you obtained your degree is considered a huge thing - for example, if an employer has to choose between a graduate from Cambridge University or a graduate from *insert a university with a lower rating*, who do you think the employer will be most interested to take? But bear in mind about the degree rating, meaning, it's no use having a third class degree from Cambridge University as compared to someone from a *insert a lower rating university* with a first class degree, now would it?
- Capabilities; here is what you put as what you are capable of doing. Usually, it's the typical 'Excel in Microsoft Office' and listing down all - MS Word, MS Excel, MS Powerpoint, MS this, MS that. Some might even put, 'Able to speak and write in English, Malay and Arabic fluently' - which could be advantageous depending on the job apply.
- Hobbies; some might put what they like doing during their free times, but to be honest, it doesn't really make a difference. I think it's just one of the ways the employer wanting to find out if you are actually a 'fun' person who is not so workaholic. hahah.
- References; this could be your previous employer's contact number in case your potential employer wishes to confirm all the details you give are correct.
But that's just my two cents.
Now, it seems easy yes? It seems do-able. With the right information, especially the ones that the employer is particularly looking at, chances are, if you are a potential candidate, you'll be lucky to get a call or a letter saying that you're invited for an interview at so and so date and time. (Must remember though, as much as you want to 'sell yourself' and appear creative, don't ever put in something that's not true because in most part of the world, they do have laws that could bring you to court for false statement)
So, having said that, I put myself in the shoes of an 'employee' looking for a potential 'employer'. It feels like nowadays, in order to 'get noticed' by these so-called 'employers', one has to play by the rules, hence the idea of 'it feels like we're applying for a job' (which, on the contrary, MAYBE we are applying for a full-time job - as a girlfriend, or better yet, as a wife), whereby for someone to 'notice' you, they have to go through the process of 'selecting, short-listing, recruiting and hiring'. Below are the 'steps' that I would think of how everything happens.
- the passport-sized photograph - in terms of perhaps, display pictures for those who are an active user of chatrooms, msn messenger, yahoo messenger and the likes.
- then the typical personal details - name, age, where you live, status, what you do.
- comes next is the qualifications - which derives from 'what you do', whether you're a student, a *insert something* officer, a researcher, *insert job title*, or unemployed; for some, this also means your 'physical qualification' - height, weight, how 'vain' you are (lol, kidding!) - pokoknya, semua mengenai fizikal seseorang that makes the 'employer' attracted to you
- follows by experience - in terms of how you bring yourself that makes who you are now, in terms of your maturity level, your way of thinking, your thoughts, the way you appear to others, your goals, your dreams, whatever it is about you that make you the person you are now... because at some point, one way or another, we all learn from our past mistakes that 'pengalaman mendewasakan kitani', perhaps the more 'experienced' you are, the more different your perspectives are on certain things.
- Other qualifications - could mean other 'means' that you, as an employee, owns. For example, perhaps you drive a limited edition Mitsubishi Lancer Evo 9 that for some could be a HUGE thing, or that you own a house, or that you have a distinct 'something' that only a few has - whatever it is, it could help in getting that 'extra' attention from the potential employer.
- Previous relationships - in terms of your 'relationship' history (although this doesn't necessarily being asked in the early stage of 'getting to know each other' - otherwise, "penyibuk jua orang ani, dude, I don't you all that well to be talking about my past relationships"
- Capabilities - hahahahahahha... i'm thinking - cooking capabilities (because apparently guys like girls who can cook (banar kan? restaurant belambak, kita makan kat luar je), house cleaning, able to speak and write Malay and English very fluently, a little bit of Bahasa Tutong and Arabic, and any capabilities that you can think of that you CAN do and HAVE.
- Hobbies - hahahahahahhah... the only thing I could think of is - RETAIL THERAPY BABY! (then guys would be thinking - habis la duit aku... kinsil tarus ni kinsil!!) or loves to increase knowledge by reading Islamic books or articles - whatever it is.
- References - this could be your best friends or closest friends or your clique, or whoever are personally close to you to find out how you are, digging up details about you from a third party.
lol.
But that's from the point of view of an 'employee' applying for a suitable job. What about being in the shoes of an 'employer' searching and selecting and recruiting and hiring the
BEST possible, or perhaps the
MOST SUITABLE employee for that post (a boyfriend or girlfriend/husband or wife)?
You'd be thinking, when you look at the CV just now, yes there are some vital information that you could use to select and short-listed your 'candidates'. Sometimes, it does get overwhelming when you have more than 'one applicants' who are interested to apply for a post in your life, which makes selecting and choosing the best one a wee bit difficult. So many choices to choose from.
Honestly speaking, being a girl, we all want to be loved. In fact, we
LOVE to be
LOVED. No questions there. But, there will come a point in your life that you'd be thinking, does he deserve me? Do I deserve him? In certain (unique and rare) circumstances, one might find love and stick to it all throughout the years (like G&G, Z&V) and hope that jodoh kesampaian (Amin), but for the rest of us, how is it going to end? Wallahu'alam...
If for example, you're just looking for someone to love (or be with because everyone else seems to have a partner except me), someone you can find comfort in at times where it feels like the world has neglected your existence and that person is the only one you can turn to, then perhaps you can throw all the rules and CVs and whatever and be with that person who can make you happy at that time being. And if you don't find yourself compatible with each other no more, feeling that there's no more love left, then you just up and go, and find yourself a new 'job' or rather, a new 'employer'.
But if you're looking for something more than just companionship and love, someone to settle with, someone you can trust, someone who can trust you, someone to care about, someone to understand, someone who's willing to compromise for the sake of staying together, someone worthy that you want to spend the rest of your life being next to that person, then I supposed, it comes back to that basic rules of trying to find the
BEST, or at least the
MOST SUITABLE candidate from a pool of potential candidates.
One piece of advice though - in your search for Mr. Right or Mr. Most Suitable, perhaps always keep in mind that there are no such thing as 'a perfect CV', hence there's no such thing as a 'Mr. Perfect'. Before anything else, you have to look at yourself, think of your good qualities and treasure them because they're your best bait, and remember your bad qualities and try your best to polish them away. Only when you learn to love yourself, that you'll learn to love others.
Ness mentioned something about love;
"Love is like a butterfly, the more you chase it, the more it flutters away from you, but if you stay and open your palms, (un)expectedly, the butterfly will come to you and rests on your open palm" (or something like that)
What I'm trying to say is, in a quest of finding my Mr. Most Suitable, I have encountered the highs and lows of guys that have managed to both break me & my self-confidence and build me & my self-confidence. But each time it happens, I realize it's just one of Allah's ways to remind me that I need to grow up. "If it doesn't kill you, it only makes you stronger".
And with my new-found perspectives on how I would gladly choose my Mr. Most Suitable, I suppose, in simple terms, I guess I just leave it to the hands of Allah s.w.t. because He knows best, and He knows what's in my heart, and at the same time, I tell myself to make an effort in my quest to find and keep 'him' one day, insya Allah, as well as to never stop my munajah to Allah s.w.t.
For all my single sisters out there, La Tahzan, ukhtis. Your Mr. Most Suitable is out there somewhere, and insya Allah, when it is the 'right' time for you two to meet, then the waiting period seems so insignificant ;) Have faith in Allah s.w.t.
Seperti dalam firman Allah s.w.t.;
"Exalted is He who created all pairs - from what the earth grows and from themselves and from that which they do not know."
(Surah Yaasin, Ayat 36)
To end this already long post, I leave you with this:
Guys, if you are:"a simple guy who is lovable, kind, generous, ambitious, willing to understand the complexity of a girl, loves to watch any kind of movies so long as it's with the one you love, make an effort to go that extra distance to prove your love, can sometimes be either 'crazy to the point of making an unexpected decision at the spur of the moment' and 'lame to the point that surprisingly your jokes make me laugh', sometimes have an interest to listen to nasheeds and at the same time can be a romantic r&b addict, not afraid of making mistakes, and (is around 5ft 7inches or more tall is an advantage), AND most importantly, know that you will not like (love) a girl for what she is, but for who she is and what she believes, that your ultimate goal in life is "untuk mencari keredhaan Allah dan mengecapi keagungan Cinta Allah dan RasulNya" and that your definition of bringing up a family has everything to do with the 'Islamic way'"
....then perhaps YOU are the guy that the so-few muslimahs have been looking for all our lives, who can help us to better ourselves as a muslimah. If we are compatible and if we hit it off naturally, together we can make it in this competitive world of 'relationships and companionships' in this dunya, and insya Allah, in akhirah... Allah knows best.
I, on behalf of my sisters, invite you to send in your "CVs" together with your recent photograph via email at: [email.stated.somewhere]
Or just leave a comment.I don't bite. Serious.
teeheehee.
Have a great Friday everyone.
Allah hafiz.
Mood:
RELAXED!
/edited
Ladies, if you're looking to expand your muslimah friendship, do join us and our weekly (insya Allah) Halaqah Muslimah discussing about Islamic issues. Ukhti Ness posted about it a few weeks back, clickey here to read about it, and clickey here to join our Google Group Halaqah Muslimah. Jazakallahu khairan, and may we all benefit from it, insya Allah.
“If six mannerisms are gathered in a woman, her goodness is perfected: Guarding the five prayers, yielding to her husband, pleasing her Lord, guarding her tongue from backbiting and gossip, forsaking worldly possessions, and being patient following a tragedy.”
[Ahmad ibn Harb]
:: Patiences, Prayers and Preseverance ::
